My Yearly Life Update and There’s a Lot to Say


You may not believe this, but I don’t intentionally plan to sit down every September and write a life update. It’s just that we seem to be in a phase of life where each year brings a host of changes and every one of them seem to be life changing… some in a good way and some in a not so good way. And every year I think “okay that’s enough for a lifetime, I’m done. This year is going to be the year we plateau.” And we’re all chuckling to ourselves right now because we know that life very rarely gives us what we want, and life very rarely hands us predictable and safe. And for reasons beyond my understanding our little family has gone through things I never thought we’d have to go through… things that weren’t even on my list of things to worry about when I thought about becoming a mom. And in what sometimes feels like a cruel twist of fate each year seems to get harder and harder and harder.

So I can’t promise you this will be an update that will leave you feeling uplifted per se, but amidst the lows (and there were many), there were the sweet moments as well, the rays of sunshine through the clouds if you will. I’ll give you a quick overview and then I’ll dive a bit deeper:

In December of last year David and I lost a very close friend (still hurts to even type that)

David switched jobs in February and it was a really difficult transition for our family

In the spring we decided to put 3 of our children on medication for their anxiety/ADHD and that is a process that is still ongoing and it has not been an easy one

My anxiety and depression flared up so badly this summer that I decided to go on an antidepressant and I officially got tested and was diagnosed with ADHD + PMDD

One of our kids had something traumatic happen a month ago and it has led to the most gut wrenching and heartbreaking behavior that makes me feel overwhelmed, helpless, and afraid

Our beloved dog Oscar passed away a couple of weeks ago and I’m just completely devastated

This has all just been too much. It’s been helpful to know I have ADHD because it explains why I walk around like a zombie most days while the inside of my head is zooming around in a million different directions. I feel extremely overwhelmed almost every minute of every day and if I don’t feel overwhelmed I feel anxious because I feel like I’ve forgotten something and that’s why I’m not overwhelmed. But I can’t get anything done because my PMDD (pre menstrual depressive disorder) makes me feel so depressed 2-3 weeks out of every cycle that it’s like pushing against a brick wall to reach enough motivation to do something. But then for one week out of the month I’m like energizer bunny that can’t stop getting things done (like I literally can’t because it’s manic behavior). In fact, anyone looking closely at my story posting on Instagram would probably have noticed this pattern in the frequency of my posting as well. So I’m talking with my doctor about a medication plan. She says a lot of people with ADHD are on what she calls “the trifecta” which is an anti anxiety med, an antidepressant, and a stimulant. We tried the first two to see if that would take care of my symptoms because there is a shortage of stimulants at the moment, but all signs are pointing to the fact that I need one, and I need one sooner than later. I’m just so tired. Tired of feeling overwhelmed all the time, tired of everything feeling so hard, tired of not being able to keep up. But I am thankful for a good Dr. that listens to me and a good therapist who’s helping me through the emotional toll this all takes.

As for the kids, I’ve told you before I won’t talk specifics out of respect for them, but I will say that medication was the right choice. It’s taken some trial and error, but they’re doing really well. We’re still not quite there with one of them, but the other two have grown leaps and bounds now that they’re able to function without the struggles they were facing before. It’s been really emotionally conflicting for me to watch to be honest. On one hand I’m so happy they are thriving and growing mentally and intellectually now, but on the other hand I feel so sad that they had to suffer all of those years before the medication. Still, they are on a good trajectory and they are still seeing their therapist who is an angel sent straight from heaven. I have no idea what we would do as a family without her.

As to the rest, we’re just trying to get through each day grieving as we are able. It’s hard to grieve as much as you’d like to when you have kids to take care of, but we’re doing our best to honor the memories of those we lost this past year in the ways that we can. It’s still hard to even think about them being gone, and I don’t think that will ever go away, but I am thankful that we got to know them for the time that they were with us.

Well my friends, I wish I could leave you in a lighthearted way with a little bit of hope for the future, but the truth is I think our journey has not resolved itself yet. I think there are still hard days ahead for us. But one thing I have learned in all of this is that it’s okay. We’re okay. We’re hurting yes, we’re in over our heads yes, the walls feel like they’re collapsing down around us…yes. But we’ll get through this, we’ll hold on to each other, we’ll figure out… we’ll be okay. And I would be remiss if I didn’t thank you for hanging in there with me as I navigate all of this. I know I’m not always the most consistent and I’m definitely not able to keep up with how active I used to be so I appreciate all of you who have stuck with me. You’re all such an encouragement to me and I’m so thankful for you guys.

Until next time,


Leave a Comment


  1. 9.11.23
    Lea said:

    Praying for you all as you continue to navigate daily stressors and ongoing grief. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Opted for a non-medication therapeutic route for now, but it was helpful to get a diagnosis. I can stop gaslighting myself now.

  2. 9.19.23
    Linda Benoit said:

    Hang in there, one day at a time. Life is very hard to navigate for most of us, whoever said otherwise was lying!

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