Okay friends! I’ve got your back – I told you I’d get this post up on Monday, and Monday may be half over, but this post is. going. up. I even did a fancy little Pinterest cover photo so you can save it for later on your Pinterest boards if you’d like to come back to it in the future. In other words, we mean business today. 😉
In all seriousness, this is an interesting topic because there really is no one size fits all when it comes to introducing minimalism into your family, no matter how much every other blog post may try to tell you there is. It can be really complicated because kids are actual human beings with real thoughts and feelings and you have to work with those thoughts and feelings instead of steam rolling over them in the name of “this is what’s best for you”… because sometimes? It’s really not what’s best for you. Sometimes (yes I’m going for it) minimalism can be tramautic for kids if they aren’t in a place where they are able to handle it. SO with that said, I want to share our story first and then end with some very practical ways that we have had real success with minimalism in a way that has been very healthy for our typical AND neurodivergent children. Okay so here’s our story:
Minimalism is something I’ve wanted to pursue as a family for a very long time. It was a few years after we moved into our current home – we had three young children and I was really overwhelmed with life (I have now been diagnosed with ADHD and PMDD). Our toy situation had gotten really out of control, and I had been pregnant with twins when we moved so I hadn’t really had the chance to declutter because I was just so dang exhausted that we kind of just packed up everything and moved it regardless of whether or not we wanted it. My husband is, by nature, very minimalistic with what he owns so it was easy to bring him on board with the idea, but… around this same time we had started noticing some concerning behavior in one of our kids (they have now all been diagnosed with ADHD and/or anxiety disorders) that involved hoarding. It was the first sign of any of the things to come, but we soon realized that she had a very distorted attachment to material things because of her anxiety disorder. So at the time, getting rid of toys was off the table… we couldn’t even get rid of papers that she had drawn on (we had an entire storage unit in her closet that was filled with her papers).
So while we were figuring things out with her and then the two others, that part of minimalism was not something I even thought about pursuing. Instead I focused on things that I knew she wouldn’t notice were gone… like linen closets, the kitchen, the laundry room, my closet, etc. And I always did it when she wasn’t around because if she saw me putting things in bags she’d have a pretty big negative response to it. So as you can imagine, purging was a pretty slow trickle during these years.
After about a year of working on this in therapy we were able to get to a point where she was able to get rid of her paper collection and no longer needed to keep papers anymore (but she’s still our recycling warrior ☺️), she was also able to see me purge things around the house without getting upset. So my ability to pursue minimalism became more of a serious pursuit.
NOW after being in therapy for a little over 3 years she has gotten to a point where she is comfortable with things leaving our house. She does still have an attachment to stuffed animals so we have found ways to work around that, but she has been okay with me giving away old toys as long as she knows I’m giving them to people who will be able to love them (so I typically give our toys to cousins/friends, etc). She’s also gotten to a point where she wants to sell certain toys in order to save up for other things. We’re very proud of the work she’s done!
Over the last year, with her okay, I’ve reduced our toys to a point where we have just what we need. Of course we’re always getting little things from school or birthday parties etc., so I usually do a little look through every quarter, but for the most part we have what the kids play with and nothing more.
Our other kids have been completely fine with all of this. I have two other children who love to go through their stuff regularly and give things they are not using to a cousin or friend. I have one child who is the opposite of her sister and has zero attachment to material things and could care less if I get rid of things or not… as long as she’s got a sketch pad and pencil she’s as happy as can be.
So my point remains that there is no one size fits all when it comes to minimalism and introducing it to your children. Which brings me to my first tip:
- Figure out the best strategy based on your own individual children: will it help them to get rid of one thing every week for a year or will it be best to just rip the band aid off and do it all on a Saturday? Remember there is no race when it comes to minimalism – this is for your entire life right? So if your family needs you to go slow… that’s OKAY. It’s better to do it in a way that will get them fully on board than to rush them into it and have them feel resentful to you and the idea.
2. Know your kids well enough to keep the toys they actually will want to play with instead of keeping toys that will look good on social media or you think they SHOULD like. My kids like toys they can be creative with and they LOVE bright colors which is very against the social media aesthetic ha! But knowing this, we have a TON of blocks, legos, magna tiles, train tracks, board games, etc. They also love little cutesie toys so we have a bunch of hatchimals, Magic Mixies, and Squishvilles. BUT we don’t have anything else. They are super happy with those toys because there are enough of them that they can really go to town, and everything we own is something they are interested in. Before I always felt like they had to have other toys to round things out, but those were the toys that ended up adding to the clutter. We do have a small craft cupboard as well, but I find that the more minimal it is the more creative they get. These two spaces are w 98% of our toys are although this Christmas I am planning on getting them a mini trampoline and a punching bag for the basement play area.
3. We do keep toys out of their bedroom and the upstairs living room for the most part to keep their rooms less cluttered, but Gabe does have a little basket in his room with some of his Hot Wheels and a Crane he plays with frequently since he’s not in school yet. I have a firm rule that the upstairs living room is not their playground because otherwise it gets completely trashed. That’s not to say they can’t spend time in the living room, but they can’t climb all over the couch or build forts, etc. they have a couch in the basement play room and that’s where they can have that kind of creative play. And Gabe has a little basket that he carries his hot wheels around in so he can clean them up easily and bring them back to his room. I believe minimalism is more than just having fewer things, it’s also a set of practices that creates boundaries around which spaces are being used for what.
4. In regards to books each room has a bookshelf about this big with books, although the girls room has half books and half empty sketchbooks that I keep them stocked with. This is the area I used to worry I was depriving them the most in, but I’ve since laid this worry completely to rest because the girls bring home so many library books from school and Gabe and I love our regular trips to the local library as well. But we do still love having a handful of our favorites on hand ❤️. The other addition the kids have loved is their Tonie Boxes. The boxes have characters you can place on them that will then tell stories without any sort of visual aid. The girls always listen to one as they are falling asleep (usually How to Train your Dragon or the National Geographic deep dive on dinosaurs). Gabe usually likes to listen to his Cars or Curious George Tonie while he’s playing with cars in his room.
Like I mentioned before, I view minimalism as more than getting rid of things, I view it as a set of practices that create a feeling of calm in your home. Purging is one of those things, but also creating practices like listening to media instead of always watching it is another one of those things.
5. And my final tip for pursuing minimalism with kids is to create systems that allow them to keep the mess and clutter at bay. We use this zipper bedding from Beddy’s and it is such a lifesaver if you have kids! It’s kind of like a sleeping bag, but it has a comforter and sheet in one unit that zips up and it fits around your mattress like a bottom sheet. At night they just have to unzip it and slip in and then in the morning they can just zip it back up and their bed is made… it’s so easy and it takes care of the blankets everywhere mess that was the bane of my existence.
I had mentioned above that my daughter is still really attached to stuffed animals, but we have found a work around that has worked for everyone involved and it’s these empty bean bag covers that a friend of mine told me about. You fill them up with stuffed animals so the plushies are contained and you get a little chair out of it all at the same time. It’s been a life saver for us because I still have not been able to touch the stuffed animal collection (which is okay by the way) and there are a LOT of them. This is a win win for everyone!
And those are my five practical tips my friends! I hope you found this helpful – minimalism can be a really good thing, but I really want to emphasize that it can be a really good thing only if everyone is on board and ready for it. If you wait to do it in the right way it will be a huge blessing for your family!
Until next time,
Karin
