A Letter to the Mom of Newborn Twins: Don’t Lose Heart

Six years ago I was low. I was overwhelmed and disheartened by the task that I had been given. And in that dark space I wrote a letter to the mom expecting twins. I just read that letter for the first time in years with tears in my eyes because I remember so clearly the pain infused into that letter.

My little twinnies just celebrated their 7th birthday and we had the best dragon themed party this past weekend, but I will never forget those early years… the years when I felt like I wouldn’t make it to the end of the day. The deep grief over what I was missing out on. The need to process their time in the NICU, but not having an ounce of space to do so. The immense guilt over having to divide my time between the two, and the jealousy of other Moms that didn’t have to. And to be honest there is a lot of those early years I simply don’t remember because my mental state was the lowest it’s ever been.

Being a mom to twin newborns is incredibly hard, and I won’t ever romanticize it. I felt so isolated during that time because all I ever saw online was how happy other newborn twin moms were. And I’m not doubting their experience, but that was NOT my experience. I loved my girls more than anything, but the hard work of raising newborn twins paired with postpartum depression and NICU PTSD created a black hole of despair in my life that I felt incredibly alone in. So I refuse to share only the good parts (and there were lots, I’m not denying that) because I needed someone to share the hard, and I hope my sharing it will help another twin momma out there not feel so alone.

But after 7 years, I feel like there’s more to add… the story is not over. So today my sweet twin mom of newborns, this letter is for you:

My friend I know you’re exhausted, I know you feel as if you don’t have what it takes. I know what it’s like to love your babies more than life itself, but to also daydream about a reality where you’re not so utterly drained and exhausted every minute of every day.

The hard work of raising twins is not in your head, and it IS harder than other people will ever understand (unless they are raising multiples too). I know you feel isolated and alone, like you’re a ghost that’s fading away until all that’s left of you is your ability to keep babies alive.

BUT sweet mom I want you to know that there’s more to your story. The first three years are work… and the work doesn’t end, but the edges dull. More and more you’re going to find that you can come up for air. You’ll find moments to breathe, and at some point you’ll realize that those years of incredibly hard work are behind you.

Slowly you’ll notice the sweet giggles, the personalities blossoming and becoming unique to each of them. You’ll have moments of connection with both and with each of them on their own… you’ll get to know them as individuals. You’ll see their bond strengthen and grow every day and it will steal the breath right out of your body.

Because the privilege of raising twins is one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever get sweet mom. Every time they boot you out of the room because they’re having twin time, every time they hold hands or cuddle on the couch, every time they twin talk… you’ll know. You’ll know in every part of your body that you’ve been granted the most breathtaking opportunity to witness and nurture this bond.

Don’t lose hope my friend. The dark days will abate and you’ll be left with light and love. Hold on to that hope on your lowest days. Stay strong, keep putting one foot in front of the other until your path eases. It WILL get easier. You won’t always feel so overwhelmed. I know it’s hard to see that right now, but one day you’ll wake up and realize that you’ve made it. And when that happens keep your eyes wide open because you’re in for the ride of your life.

Happy birthday sweet Ella and Rosie, you are an incredible gift and the light that you bring to our home fills me to my very brim.

Until next time,

Karin