41 Things I’ve Learned in 41 Years

Guys. Guess what? It was my birthday last weekend. That’s right. I turned 41, and I’ve never felt worse AND better in my entire life hahahahahaha (she cackles like the unhinged person that she is). Listen to me. My health is… not great right now and my stress levels are at an all time high, BUT I am dealing with years of repressed trauma and finding healing with my true self after being diagnosed with ADHD only two years ago and basically doing a complete 360 in my life in terms of how I view everything and everyone and all of my lived experiences… all while trying to raise 4 spicy little neurodivergent minions of my own. So questionable health and stress levels? Gray hairs that weren’t there a year ago? Expected. Worth it? Yes, yes, every day yes. I’ve always been a long term thinker (except when I’m being a short term thinker) and it’s doing me a service right now because I know the hardships of dealing with the traumas and 360 thinking now is going to have lasting long term benefits for myself and my family.

And that my friends is 41 year old thinking. I would not have been willing to put myself through this at 20, 25, 30, and even though I was being forced to start dealing with stuff at 35 it was very much in the kicking and screaming sort of way. Now I embrace it with open arms because the truth is powerful. So.

41 Things I’ve Learned in 41 Years:

1. Truth is worth pursuing. Always. (She whispers: even when it’s hard).
2. Running away from your feelings doesn’t mean you’ll never have to feel them. Your body will make you feel them in one way or another at some point later on if you try to avoid them now.
3. If you’ve hurt someone apologize. Relationships are way more important than your own perceived perfection.
4. BUT don’t apologize for stuff you didn’t do.
5. Two things can be true at the same time. Like? trauma and love can exist in the same experience.
6. If people aren’t willing to change after you’ve set firm boundaries, it’s okay to cut ties with them. You don’t need to keep allowing yourself to get hurt over and over again.
7. Having a shared love of something with your children fills your cup to the very brim.
8. Find a good therapist and stick to them like glue.
9. Also, therapy is the best gift you can give yourself. Like, seriously.
10. Also, don’t be afraid to find a new therapist if it’s not working.
11. Also, be wary of Better Help. Maybe it works for some people, but I had a very bad experience with it.
12. Eat the food you like, but make sure some of them are fruits and veggies.
13. We all have things to work on, but we also have the right to be who we are without judgement.
14. If you like gummy vitamins better than tablet vitamins fine, just take your dang vitamins.
15. You can do hard things. You know how I know that? You’ve done them before.
16. Chronic anxiety is not an excuse to stop living your life, it’s not going anywhere so learn to live your life with it. It’s worth it I promise.
17. Situational anxiety is different. Listen to what it’s telling you and adjust accordingly.
18. Cereal for dinner is a perfectly acceptable dinner, but not for every dinner.
19. Precooked protein options are your best friend.
20. Use a meal service delivery option (the one we use) or a cleaning service if you’re able to.
21. Drink more water, but don’t get crazy. Just drink when you’re thirsty.
22. Don’t spend money like anyone else. Spend money like your family needs to.
23. Stay away from Pay in 4 plans. If you must use them, budget for them.
24. If you have a headache take the darn Ibuprofen (unless you’re allergic, then take the Tylenol).
25. Giving your kids a good life is important, but going into credit card debt to give them that life is not a great idea.
26. Popcorn is the best snack. I will hear no arguments against this point.
27. Also, food sensitivities suck and I’m allowed to not have a good attitude about it.
28. Make decisions that are right for your kids even if literally everyone close to you is questioning you.
29. Being well informed is really important, but only because it’s the right thing to do and not because it’ll give you bragging rights on social media.
30. Wash your hands regularly for crying out loud.
31. Agree to disagree, but call out harmful misinformation when you hear it in your real life. So what if people get mad at you.
32. Kids don’t know how to regulate appropriately so don’t punish them when they get it wrong.
33. Adults really don’t know how to either so don’t punish the adults in your life if they get it wrong too.
34. Put your phone away from time to time.
35. If your kids are crabby try feeding them and if that doesn’t work spend some quality time with them. If you feel crabby try feeding yourself and if that doesn’t work spend some quality time with yourself.
36. Sleep if you’re tired, workout if you have energy, eat if you’re hungry… listen to your body.
37. Also, go to bed already.
38. Oh and sometimes you just need a hug.
39. It’s okay to feel bored… you can’t actually die of boredom (I checked on WebMD).
40. My couch nest is really nice, but being outside is actually pretty nice too.
41. Finally, it’s not sinful to be neurodivergent. It is not a sin to be impulsive, overly emotional, overstimulated, unregulated, stimming, spaced out, an over thinker, lost in your thoughts, an interrupter, a know it all, too opinionated, hyper, a worrier, so fatigued you can’t clean your house, so mentally exhausted it’s hard to focus on daily tasks, depressed, etc. I know you’ve probably been made to feel less than because of these things, but you’re not. Neurodivergence is not something to overcome, it’s a gift to be explored and embraced and the more that we accept ourselves the more the world will follow in our footsteps.

So I guess I’ll sum it all up by saying this: facing the hardest and darkest parts of ourselves is excruciatingly hard at times, but it’s not something we should shy away from because that painful growth leads to the kind of peace you really can only get when you have done the work to pull out the weeds and allow real growth to happen.

Love you guys! And Happy Birthday to my other March birthday readers. ❤️

Until next time,

Karin