What not to Say to a Twin Mom

One thing I’ve learned pretty quickly since having my twins is that you kind of become an instant celebrity.

People love twins and I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that we will get attention anywhere we go.

And I’m totally cool with that… until people get weird.

Yup.

I’ve already heard quite a few “odd” comments from people…

including the time a woman didn’t believe us that the twins were two months old because they “weren’t making eye contact yet” (insert major eye roll here).

Mostly I’ve just noticed that some people tend to see twins and forget that they should filter the things coming out of their mouths.

So.

I thought it would be fun to ask some other twin mommies (from my moms with multiples group on Facebook) what odd things they’ve heard from people.

Some are funny… some are just plain rude. But either way, next time you meet a mom of multiples try not to say these things to her:

• “I hear a lot of crazy stuff but one that always seems particularly absurd…’Were you trying for twins?!’                 – Mariah J.
• In response to the above type of question: “I usually follow that up with… ‘yeah we decided if we had twice as much sex we’d get twice the number of babies.'” – Amanda J.
• “Stranger: ‘Identical?’ Me: ‘No.’ Stranger: ‘Oh, then they are a boy and a girl!’ Me thinking: ‘Two seconds ago you thought they looked EXACTLY the same and now you don’t even think they are the same gender?!?’ Never mind that they are dressed in identical pink dresses…” – Staci B.
• “At the grocery store, some lady told me I was greedy for having 2 at once. And the inappropriate and private questions complete strangers ask like “are they natural?” Or they come right out and ask if I had trouble conceiving… – Becca S.
• “I have this conversion with a stranger almost every time we go out: ‘Oh, cute! Are they twins?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Looks like a boy and a girl, right?’ ‘Yep.’ ‘Are they identical?’ ‘They cannot be identical (because they are a boy and a girl).’ – Laura S.
• “The most offensive question I got asked was, ‘Are they drug induced?’ I took it in stride… but later wished I would have called her out for it. – Lisa G.
• “My favorite is ‘Are you sure they are twins? They look nothing alike.’ I have a boy and girl and he is light skinned, blonde haired, blue eyed…she is dark skinned brown hair, brown eyed. But come on, like I don’t remember them sharing a womb and being born one minute apart.” – Melissa S.
• “Stranger: ‘are they twins?’ Me: ‘yes.’ Stranger: ‘were you on the pill?’ Me: ‘no…’ (and none of your business stranger). Then there’s all the people that literally chase us down to look at them and try to touch them. We’re now like a freak show whenever we go out.” – Chelsey P.
• “‘Twins?’ ‘Yep.’ ‘Natural, or made from science?'” – Sara L.
• “While out and about with my 3 under 4, all of whom were quiet and well-behaved, the cashier at Michaels said, ‘Wow, you guys are really gluttons for punishment!’ So I didn’t feel bad at all telling her that we had the twins just so we could sell their fresh little kidneys.” – Kelly P.
• “one of the best comments came from a complete stranger who approached us as we were eating in a restaurant and said, ‘Wow! With all those girls you’re going to spend a lot of money on tampons someday!'” – Melissa M.
• “Wow twins! Does one always look like the mom and the other like the dad when you have twins?” – Chrissy M.
• “”were they natural?’ I once responded with, ‘yep we conceived them by having sex. How about you with your kids?’ In front of her children, hoping they asked questions on the car ride home.” – Rebecca S.
• “‘You should have stopped at two.’ (Yeah, stranger. I should have just told the Dr. I would like to keep the last baby inside for now) AND ‘Are they natural?’ (No… robots) AND ‘so I figure you just went ahead and had your tubes tied while you where in?'” – Laura D.
• “My favorite was our 4 year old neighbor girl who was over playing with my daughter. We had just been out for a walk and I had the twins in the double stroller. The 4 year old came over and admired the first twin…then did a double take and realized there were two babies. With all shock and sincerity she exclaimed, ‘Why are there TWO babies?!!???!!'” – Laurel B.
• “We walked into doctor the day after my babies got out of the NICU and a woman said to my hubby and I ‘My best friend had twins. She and her husband were divorced before they were 2.'” – Lisa T.
• “‘Twins?’ ‘Yep!’ ‘Where’s their dad? He must be a huge help with two!’ ‘He’s in Maine, where he lives.’ ‘So you got pregnant on your own?’ ‘No, he was around for that.’ ‘He must have bolted when he found out there were two! Any sane man would!’ – Kate B.
• I used to get asked all the time if I was sure my baby A wasn’t a boy because she looks like a boy. All while both girls are wearing pink from head to toe, and wearing giant flower headbands. – Amy W.
• “The best one I have gotten went like this: ‘oh how old is he?’ Me: ‘8 months.’ Then, noticing the other baby ‘oh are they twins?’ Me: ‘yes’. Stranger: ‘oh, twins! How old is the other one?’ – Becca S.
• “A man at a salon saw me with my girls when they were small. Guy: ‘Oh my gosh babies and two of them! I love babies! Can I smell their hair?’ Me: ‘Heck no!’ – Kristen W.
• “After explaining to a lady in the target pharmacy line when I was 30 weeks along that these would be twin girls, and I have a toddler boy at home: ‘oh you are all set then! Now you should just close your legs.'” – Elisa M.
• “At my 6 week check up a woman in the lobby asked if she could take their picture to send to her twin great nieces. ‘No, I’m sorry.’ Oh, haha *click* ‘Excuse me! I said NO you may not take their picture!’ ‘Oh I thought you were kidding! I’ll delete it.’ I made her hand over her phone so I could delete it.” – Kate B.
• “In the Target check out lane, the young check out girl asked me, ‘Are they Twins!’ Me: ‘Yes, they are!’ the girl: ‘They’re SOOOOOO CUUUUUTEEE!!! How far apart are they?’ Me: ‘They are 10.5 hours apart.’ The girl: ‘Wait… Weird?!?! that far apart? So, are they like still twins even?!’ Me, confounded stare: ‘yeeessss… they are still twins.’ – Jacqueline S.
• “‘Are they twins? They don’t look a like.’ yes they are.’ ‘Do they have different dads?'” – LJ J.

As they say here in the Midwest: “Uff da!”

So just remember, the next time you see a twin mom, remember that she’s used to hearing some pretty crazy stuff and maybe stick with something along the lines of “wow, you are really lucky!”

Until next time,

Outfit Details:

Dress: Thrifted Urban Renewal. Similar.

Hat: Old J.Crew. Similar USA Made. Similar Ethical Version.

Kit’s Bathing Suit: Baby Gap.

Kit’s Hat: Hanna Anderson.