Let’s talk about how to stop comparing yourself to others on social media:
Part of what prompted this month’s mantra is all of the chatter I’ve been seeing from you guys lately about your struggle with contentment and comparisons.
And I am right there with you guys!
So I think we’re going to do some chatting about this subject going forward.
Let’s be honest with each other about our struggles around this, so we can hopefully learn and grow together.
And it is a struggle isn’t it? I have really had to distance myself from Instagram over the last few months because it was giving me real anxiety.
But I don’t want to just avoid forever. Because no matter how much I do try to avoid, I’m still going to be met with comparisons on a daily basis. I want to find ways to safeguard my mind and my confidence so that I can view social media without being overcome with insecurities.
Yeah?
Part of that process was what I talked about on Wednesday… appreciate and release.
That mindset has been serving me well, but there are still times when the envy and comparisons creep in… and just like that my joy is gone.
So lately I’ve been taking it a step further: I’ve been objectifying photos.
What I mean is that I try to move beyond my gut reaction to the photo, and look at the reality behind it.
For example, in this photo that I posted on Wednesday:
I’m wearing three things: a cardigan, a jumpsuit, and clogs. Your initial reaction might be to wish you had x part of this outfit, but try to move past that feeling.
Objectify the outfit: the total cost of this outfit is around $260.
No matter if it was bought all at the same time, or if it was bought with budgeting and thought, the fact remains that the outfit cost $260.
Now ask yourself: beyond an initial attraction to these clothes, is that an amount I’m willing to pay?
Or would I (and my budget) be more comfortable thrifting a similar outfit… or simply going without?
And this outfit runs on the low end of ethical outfits!
I did this with an outfit from one of my favorite influencers the other day, and I realized that her outfit cost over $1,000! That’s a huge amount of money!
It sobered me a bit.
Now here’s the thing: maybe you objectify the heck out of that outfit, and you come to the conclusion that you’re willing to pay $1,000 for that outfit… that’s great!
It it’s in your budget, and you can comfortably do so then there is nothing at all wrong about that.
But you made that decision with thought, and not on a whim.
Or maybe after becoming aware of how much an outfit cost, your realize that your priorities don’t align with spending that much right now (or ever). Great!
Head to your local thrift store, or maybe just “appreciate and release”.
We all have different priorities, abilities, budgets, etc.
And remember, a lot of time influencers (including myself) are getting clothes sent to them. Which might make you feel envious at first, but objectify! Remember that they are working extremely hard to create content around those pieces… YES. Blogging is hard work, and it takes a lot of time. Are you willing to do that with the time you have?
The point is: know what your priorities and limits are, and don’t feel bad about yourself when someone else has different priorities and limits.
Objectify the heck out of those outfit photos (or home photos, or motherhood photos, or travel photos, etc.), and then don’t look back.
Look to what you already own, and I promise you your contentment and confidence will grow.
What about you? What are some safeguards you’ve put up so that you don’t compare yourself to others on social media?
Until next time,
I think this is a good point. I also think it can dive into all aspects of an online presence. For example, I love a certain photo edit, but it seems like more people are using this particular style every day. I personally do not want to fall prey to comparison, so I have worked hard to make my own editing style. I bring this up, because I feel you do a great job of standing out in the same aspect. It is great to recognize and appreciate these things, but at the end of the day, you have to do what makes you feel best and yourself. It is easy to want what others have, but taking a step back, as you suggested, is a great way to bring things into perspective. Thanks for the thoughtful post this morning, Karen!
I agree Erin! There’s so much more to this than wanting the clothing someone else has… I’ve noticed that often times the really popular accounts all start to look the same. It’s interesting. But I love where you’ve gone with your account so I’m glad you’re sticking with what you love!
This is a good first step, but I think eventually the conversation needs to go beyond just the clothes. I want to be at a place where I can admire other people’s photos and not even think about wanting what they have. It’s the ultimate in contentment with your own self and wardrobe. I wish everything wasn’t so much about having as much as inspiring. There will always be moments where you see something and think, wow that needs to get in my life! But overall it should be more about learning about other people, their experiences, their style – without the imperative to mimic or own.
100% agree Talia!
Thank you for this! What helps me is asking myself if getting those things will make my life any different, because a lot of times it’s about discontentment with myself more than mere want. If the answer is, “no,” then I know I have some work to do on myself. The boots/clogs/dress can wait.
That’s a great way to measure our instinctual reactions Leah… I’m definitely going to adopt that.
Ctuslly, my firdt reaction to these ohotos wasnt about the clothes, but where the ouctures were taken, and given that I think we live relatively near each other (I’m just a few blocks from the Coon Rapids Dam park), I often wish you’d list locations).
But, about the topic, it has taken me a long time, but I’ve learned a few things about responsible buying, for me. I must ask myself the question: will I really wear it, or do I just want to want to wear it? The big revaluation I had was this summer, and realizing that I wore 3 pair of shorts, 4 t-shirts, 2 tank tops, 3 dresses, 1 pair of Croch flips and 1 pair of Chacos this summer. Oh, and one pair of 30 year old canvas pants for 3 hours up north at our cabin for 3 hours for blueberry picking. And, when I look ahead to winter, outside of hand knit sweaters, my winter wardrobe doesn’t look much different. So my goal is no more clothing purvhases, save a new pair of sneakers. While I have far more sweaters than i need, I am a knitter, and these span 3 decades, and are all loved. I’m starting to use the yarn I own to knit gifts and blankets.
I try to keep our location as private as possible to protect my babes… I’m sure you understand! I do the same as you thought, I wear a lot of the same things over and over, but yet I have more clothes than that core amount.