I’m sure you’ve all experienced this:
you’re killing time by innocently scrolling through your Facebook feed when, uh oh, another friend has decided to give themselves over to the noble task of coaching others into “losing weight and getting healthy!”
You cringe because, sure enough, you see that you already have a message with an invitation to join the “amazing company!”
Sound familiar?
If not, then you’re lucky.
But I think these people zero in on me because I’m an “easy” target. I mean, I just had twins for goodness sakes! I must be dying to lose all that baby weight!
And that’s how the invitation goes: “hey, I just noticed you had twins! Congratulations! I’d love to help you lose the baby weight!”
Okay… first of all, um thanks?
Second:
KNOCK IT OFF!
Stop telling me I need to lose weight! I barely know you!
And even if I did…
Because here’s the thing: every time you tell me I need to lose weight, I sort of believe you.
And every time you create that insecurity in me, it radiates off of me and onto my ever perceptive toddler.
And you want to know what one of my greatest parenting fears is?
That my insecurities will prevent my girls from finding healthy balance in their lives… especially in regards to how they view themselves.
So every time you tell me that you can “help” me to get fit (i.e. lose weight), you cause me to calculate the calories of that cupcake I just shared with my daughter. And she sees that.
You cause me to not join in when she’s having the cookies we made together. And she notices.
You cause me to do a workout when I should be sleeping. And she asks me why I’m too tired to run around with her.
“Well just buy the Shakeology!” you say. “They’ll give you that energy back!” you say. “They only cost the amount of one Starbucks drink per day! Surely you can sacrifice that?!” you say.
To which I say, “honey, I haven’t had a Starbucks drink since before the twins were born.” It’s either your shakes, or my daughters’ formula so…
Look. I’m not saying that leading a healthy lifestyle and modeling that to my daughters is not important.
It’s actually really, really important to me.
What I do have a problem with is the new message being pedaled around that “strong is the new skinny” or “I want to show my daughter that women should be strong!”
Why?
Because strong inevitably (whether or not it’s the intention) becomes synonymous with flat abs and muscle definition.
So what I’m really communicating to my daughters with those messages is that their worth is in how “strong” they look. Or in how clean they eat.
Uh uh. I’m not okay with that.
I’d rather teach my daughters to eat all of their broccoli before digging into their chocolate cake.
Or to move their bodies because it’s fun and they enjoy doing it, instead of because they “should” be strong.
I want them to know that it’s okay to have a lazy day, and that there’s no such thing as “cheat” days because all food is okay as long as it’s consumed with balance.
I want to teach them to listen to their bodies and not to their heads. Because our heads will always tell us that so and so is skinnier or more fit… even if our bodies are content.
I want my daughters to know that even if their stomachs are soft, or they eat two cookies instead of one that they matter. That their importance in this world is not dependent on these things.
And the best way for them to know that is if I believe it.
So please do stop. Let me revel in this time of mama love handles and rest. I’m raising fierce (balanced) women and I can’t be bothered.
Until next time,
P.S. I’m not against Beachbody coaches, or Beachbody as a company…. I admire the heck out of anyone who can successfully make a living for themselves. Plus, I know a lot of people who have benefited from what they offer. What I am against is receiving messages that step over an appropriate boundary and prey on insecurities to sell a product.
Outfit Details:
Nursing Tank: Bun Maternity
Tank Top: Everlane
Leggings: c/o Lalabu
Headband: Old Prana. Same Brand, slightly different style.
Karin – I didn’t know you well in college but found your blog and am eating it up!!! In a good way, not a creepy way. 🙂 This is my favorite post yet. My 3 month old is sleeping so sweetly on top of my soft belly and mama love handles and this is just a stage in the journey and I’m learning to not just be ok with it but love it. Starting to get tired of mama friends who constantly talk about food and fitness. Amen to the sleep!!!
Thanks Kayla! I’m assuming this is Kayla Krizek? 🙂 It is definitely a time to embrace! I always tell myself that I will have many years to tone up if I want to, but I won’t always have this sweet time with my newborns. It makes it easy to choose what I should be prioritizing.
Yes. That’s all.
Love you. That’s all.
Amen! Thanks for being so real and genuine!
xoxo
Ugh those sales tactics are the worst! Glad you are focusing on feeling good instead of fitting a certain mold.
They really are!
YAAAAS. *standing up and applauding you*
Virtual hugs to you! Thanks Naomi!
I love this! I’m definitely sharing – I don’t have kids (yet?) but I still love this message so much. Great post!
Thank you Malissa! And thank you for sharing!
Being healthy is so important, I’m glad that is your goal. I don’t think you should worry about losing baby weight! You just had twins! So amazing!!!!
Thanks Liz! And I’m definitely not worrying about it right now! I know there will be a season when I focus on that more, but it’s not right now.
Amazing post. Fantastic perspective. Thank you for the reminder.
I love this SO MUCH, thanks Karin!
Thank you Sarah!
Amen! It’s always hard being a new mom and being immediately told or shown how quickly I need to lose any baby weight. Yeah, I still have excess skin and a pouch from over a year ago when my son was born. But, I appreciate your honesty and although some have good intentions, it should be left up to the woman to decide when she’s ready to get back to ‘pre-baby’ shape. Visiting from the Peony Project!
I completely agree Kelly! Not everyone has the same priorities. 🙂
Yes ma’am! As a mom of twins myself, our bodies have been through things that most people will never understand. My twins are 5 years old and within the last 2 years I’ve just started focusing on my body. Not to try to look like anyone else or because I care what other people think. But because I wanted to look better and feel better for me.
Exactly! And it’s funny that you say that because I kind of said to myself that the first year all bets were off because I want to produce as much milk as possible and then after that I’ll give myself two years (one year for each baby) to get back into a more steady fitness routine. Sounds pretty close to your timeline haha!
Well said! It took me years to naturally lose the baby weight – and I am ok with that! I remember someone once said to me “whatever your weight is 3 months after birth is how you will look forever” – made me so angry!
That was an awful thing for them to say Katie! I’m so sorry that someone was so insensitive… especially considering some women just don’t lose weight when they are breastfeeding (I’m one of them). I’m glad you were ok with taking your time… you’ll probably have more long term success that way anyway!
I’ve never heard of beachbody but I am sick of getting similar stuff from the people pushing juice plus and forever living. No I will not buy products from your weird cult like business and no I do not appreciate you selling it to me by telling me I’m fat. It’s awful. Who told people a good sales tactic was directly going for a persons possible insecurities?!
It seriously is the worst way of selling a product…
this is a great post!! everyone should do what is best for them no matter what anyone else says. Being healthy is what is important, and that means different things for different people. I love your perspective.
100% agree Kaitlynn! And thank you!
Thank you – I’m going to print this, stick it in my journal and hi five myself for being an awesome mum and human (with a soft tummy and a great cupcake recipe)!
I love that Meg!! I still remember my mom’s special chocolate chip cookies and I’m sure you’re kids will remember those cupcakes as well. 🙂
You go girl! Those babies are blessing and don’t let make you feel inferior about your body that just grew not one, but two people!
Thank you Bailey! They really are a blessing!
‘What I am against is receiving messages that step over an appropriate boundary and prey on insecurities to sell a product’ amen!
xoxo
There is definitely a time and place for these coaches to help women, but it has to be done tastefully. I do not want anyone trying to tell me they can help me loose my extra 10 lbs if I am not asking to begin with.
Exactly! That’s how I feel as well.