Oh yes I did.
David and I took these photos on the way to a Gaelic Storm concert at the Irish Fair of Minnesota. The best night you guys!
We danced, ate, drank, and just had fun. There was a period of time over the last couple of years where having fun together was not an option, and it feels so good to return to that part of “us.” We’ve always been the best of friends.
These pants (these pants!! So good.) were a little too warm for the night to be honest, but I knew mosquitos were going to be out in droves and I wanted nice thick material on my bottom half.
But let’s talk plastic surgery!
Just kidding. But not really kidding.
Has anyone else felt bombarded lately by all of the things you should be doing to your person to make it look better?
You tube videos, Instagram suggestions, subtle marketing messages, not so subtle marketing messages…
I’ve just been feeling lately like I want to shove my fingers in my ears and not remove them for a good long while.
The thing is, I don’t ever really feel the need to change the way I look independent of these things… but I feel a subtle shift happening in my mindset the more I consume social media.
And it’s not always because people are telling me I should “do this” to “look better”… it’s more just that there are a lot of people enhancing themselves and it starts to become normal, and almost… expected.
Extensions. Eyelash Extension. Micro blading. Lip job. Boob Job. Fillers. Botox. Tummy Tuck. Veneers. Spray Tan. Teeth Whitening…
All of the things I just listed I’ve heard someone on social media talking about recently in a very casual way as if it’s just what everybody does… expected.
But why?
I struggle with this.
Sometimes I feel the pull to alter myself. I don’t think I’d ever consider plastic surgery, but extensions? Spray Tans? Definitely.
If I was just tanner, my cellulite wouldn’t be as visible.
If I had extension my hair would look so much more full.
If I used teeth whiteners, my crooked teeth wouldn’t be as noticeable.
I’m not necessarily saying these things are bad… I go in phases where I use self tanner and charcoal powder on my teeth. And I definitely dye my hair…
but I also know there are times when I’m doing these things and they aren’t serving me in any way shape or form. I.e., I’m doing them out of insecurity.
All of the things I listed above have a time and a place. I know someone who had a boob job, and it was 100% the right thing to do. I have another friend who wears extensions because she’s experienced hair loss and it makes her feel comfortable in her own skin.
But I worry that so many women are pursuing these things out of insecurities. And what are these insecurities rooted out of? Someone, somewhere telling us we should look a certain way.
Women shouldn’t have cellulite, be pale, have normal boobs, short hair, etc. etc.
So we feel insecure that we do have those things. Even though everyone else does.
There’s just something so profoundly not right about that pressure that women feel.
And why do we feel like we need to look like a mold?
It’s okay for women post partum to look post partum.
It’s okay for a woman over the age of 12 to have cellulite.
It’s okay to have stretch marks and varicose veigns.
It’s okay to have small, saggy boobs.
It’s okay to have fine hair, pale skin, normal sized lips and eyelashes. And it’s okay if your eyebrows don’t look like Cara Delevingne’s do.
There is so much beauty to be had in natural, real womanliness. Soft, warm femininity.
And embracing what you actually look like gives you that mysterious “je ne sais quoi”… that confidence of feeling comfortable in your own skin.
Women, embrace yourself. You really are beautiful.
Until next time,
Karin
Recreate my look:
Outfit Formula: Striped Shirt. Colored Pants. Sneakers.
Tank (ethical), TTS: LOVE the cut of these tanks, and this stripe is my dream stripe.
Pants (ethical) in Ochre, TTS: I waited so long to pick these up, and I wish I would have done it much sooner. They’re so comfortable and easy, but they make any outfit look good.
Sneakers: I thrifted these, but you can buy them here.
My glasses are this style from Warby Parker.
I completely agree with external sources being a gateway for me feeling insecure about how I look. You see “perfect” everywhere it seems today. People need to embrace how they are different and unique, rather than conform to what society says is beautiful. If we all conformed, I am afraid we would all start to look the same and loose the special qualities we were born with. I am not judging people who do choose to make changes, but I wish they didn’t feel like they needed to in order to feel beautiful.
I have been thinking about this so much lately. I just turned 40, and I’ve got persistent roundness in my belly from three babies in as many years, and I can see the signs of too little sleep and the crawl of time. Since my children have been born, I’ve been tempted by microblading and last-lenghening products, but haven’t bitten and don’t think I will. I know from prior days of tanning and fake nails that I loath (LOATHE) the waste of time and money these things represent (I don’t get as much value as they remove from my wallet and calendar), so ultimately, I’m willing to walk away. I also can’t convince myself that elective (!) surgery for cosmetic purposes is worth the risk of deformation (perhaps I watched too much “Botched” on maternity leave this time) or death (because it’s STILL REAL SURGERY), though I miss my flat tummy and firm breasts, and struggle with that even as I wish I didn’t.
Thanks for this timely post. (I’d consider tooth whitening, but have a chip repair that can’t be lightened, so it feels too complicated to be worth the resources, once again! Pass my Birkenstocks…)
The one thing I do indulge in, because it is a treat and I enjoy it, is my hair. I met my current stylist when I was feeling lost in terms of cut and color (my former stylist had moved away and the new ones I’d tried weren’t quite getting it) and she GOT IT. I’ve been going since late 2009, and while she’s risen through the professional ranks from new hire to salon OWNER (so proud!) her prices have risen a LOT, too. But I am investing in me and investing in her and I frame it that way, and I love what she does with my hair and how it makes me look and feel.
As a weird aside, I recently realized I budget more for my hair than my clothing (I put myself on a restricted budget recently to pay off a little maternity/part-time-incurred credit card debt), but then saw something that said “your hair is the only accessory you wear every day” and it resonated. So there we are.
Oops! Meant this as a comment instead of a reply! So, hello Erin, and sorry for piggybacking!
I resonate with everything you say Rebecca… and it really comes down to each person, and the motives for doing certain things. I think at some point, I’d like to get clip in extensions, but I want to wait until I’m doing it ONLY because it’s what I want. I think we have to be honest with ourselves, and to the best of our abilities, not make enhancements out of insecurity.
Agree completely Erin! Everyone should do what they feel comfortable with, but I feel concerned for younger girls (or I guess any age really) that make changes to fit in. I hope we can make a shift away from these mindsets.
karin you hit the nail on the head with this piece. i often feel the same pressure and have to remind myself that i’m fine the way i am. pinning this so i have it forever!
Thanks Jaimee!