You know, there is something that has been weighing on me lately and I just can’t seem to shake it:
Mom guilt.
I had always heard this term before I had Kit, but I never FULLY understood it until I had her.
Does anyone else feel like it’s this constant nagging at the back of your conscience that never. goes. away?
And I think there is a difference between actual guilt and mom guilt.
Real guilt is an indication that you need to examine your actions.
Mom guilt is something that can plague every decision, every interaction, etc.
“Is she getting enough vegetables? What am I doing wrong that is making her hate vegetables?”
“She should be walking by now, what could I have done differently that would have encouraged her to walk?”
“I should have watched her closer, if I had she wouldn’t have pinched her finger in that door.”
You get the point.
And the thing is, these feelings are mostly irrational. Most kids hate their vegetables. Children will walk when they are ready. Kids get into things and get hurt.
But, why do we as mothers take all of that and put it on our shoulders?
We carry this overwhelming responsibility to raise our children into successful members of society and I think that sometimes it causes us to retreat into this crazy cycle of only noticing our failures and ergo feeling guilty about them.
It’s not right. It’s not healthy. But I don’t see it going away anytime soon.
Because the moment we become a mother we are forced to become decision makers. We can’t escape that.
We have to decide to do what we think is best every moment of every day for our children and that is SUCH a weighty responsibility.
It’s so easy to second guess ourselves, to wonder if we made the right decision, to KNOW that we made a bad decision and to move forward from that.
It can be so hard, BUT I’m beginning to realize that I have a choice.
No, I don’t think mom guilt will ever go away, but I have a choice to keep making decisions. I have a choice to be willing to make mistakes.
Because my daughter needs me to do that. She needs me to be strong and brave.
And I would rather set an example of imperfection for her than an example of perfection. Because, someday, when she’s grown, I want her to be able to laugh off her mistakes instead of torturing herself for not being perfect.
So I’m choosing to embrace mom guilt.
Until next time,
Exactly! Imperfect and loving beats perfect any time!
I actually think there is more than just making the decision. It’s owning your decision – for me at least, that’s sometimes the hard part…
Yes!! Definitely Kate! And that is SO good. OWNING your decision is so important!
Absolutely love this. It’s so hard sometimes to feel like you aren’t doing anything right. It’s important to keep track of your triumphs as well as your mistakes.
It really is Laneshe! Sometimes it takes work to do that, but it’s so worth it!
I also feel this “mom guilt” sometimes. I just try to do my best and let the kids know I love them and I am there for them. Sometimes it is hard. Thanks for sharing
That’s really all we can do Ivanna, but I think it’s so worth it for our kids to grow up knowing that while we’re not perfect, we do love them.
I don’t have kids but know if I did I would have mom guilt. But keep in mind, there are a lot of great things you do too. So often we focus on the misses instead of all the wins.
I love your photography! As someone who lives in the Twin Cities, I look forward to seeing your photos because you capture the Cities so amazingly!
Yes! Definitely Missy! It’s hard to focus on that, but it’s so true! And thank you! That’s so fun to hear since you know the city too. 🙂
Beautiful post, and what a positive direction to take! I agree it is our choice and decision of whether or not we decide to let mom guilt get the best of us. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Cara!
Moms aren’t perfect. Kiss the hurts and love love love. I really like your sweater
Perfect way to sum it up. And thank you!
Mom guilt – that ever-present nag. I can totally relate to this post. I constantly feel like I’m failing somehow – that I’m not doing enough, or they’re not happy enough, or I’m not giving them enough attention. I tell myself that I’m doing the best that I can and that they are well-loved, but that guilt is always there!
Thanks for sharing this insightful post – it’s good to know I’m not alone, and also good to see how you’re turning it into a positive thing. 🙂 Visiting from #AuthenticBloggers. xo
You’re definitely not alone Mia! I have felt that many times!
I will join you! Mom guilt is the most stressful thing ever. I know those feels!!
It definitely can be Bethany!
Awww… Karin, don’t feel guilty about anything at all! As mothers we all do the best we can for our kiddos every single day. Life happens and it’s a great lesson for children to learn that we all make mistakes – even parents. We simply smile, re-adjust our course, and continue onward. And if we are wrong about something, we apologize.
I appreciate your confidence Denay! And thank you! I definitely need to hear that from time to time.
As someone who has adult children I can say this is something that doesn’t go away just because they grow up. I have to constantly remind myself that there isn’t anything I can do about the past, I can only move forward and be the best mom I can be. We all make mistakes, and as my children have got older I have found a great connection with them when I admitted to them that I screwed up at times. 🙂 Then there are the times they thank me for making them eat their vegetables as a child or letting them try something their own way – even though I knew it was the wrong way – and they learned a valuable lesson……..then I feel better about the job I did raising them.
I had a feeling it never really went away. 🙂 I do look forward to when my daughter can thank me for being the “bad guy.” Like you said, those moments will give me the shot of confidence that it was worth all of the agony over decision making.
We all need to embrace this more! We all have the same goal, which is to be the best parent we know how to be.Keep up the good work mama!
Yes exactly Val! And thank you!
I don’t have kids, but this is definitely a very thoughtful post. ????
Alexis | http://www.themindfulmotivation.wordpress.com
Thank you Alexis!
Such an amazing message! No one is perfect, even moms. It is completely unfair for people to think that we should be, even our own kids. The real important thing is the love you have in your heart and the good intentions in your actions. Those things can never really lead you wrong.
Yes, I so agree with you Ashley! Good intentions are everything I think.
So true. Sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes kids make their own decisions despite our best efforts.
Yes, definitely… I’m a little terrified of that to be honest!
So true “Mom guilt” is a real thing and sometimes the worst thing in my opinion. I have had to learn to forgive myself and even seek my two girls forgiveness for yelling etc. Even though I wish I didn’t need to say sorry this little act makes me feel so better because they are always there with open arms. Motherhood is so hard and so rewarding all at the same time. No one is perfect Momma.
xo, Nicole
lilflowermama.com
I think seeking forgiveness is so incredibly important. I think it’s that act that shows our children that perfection is not desired, but an ability to apologize when we do mess up.
Great post, because it’s so true. It’s crazy how much the mom guilt can overwhelm you sometimes, but the great thing is that they’re so little that it sometimes doesn’t even phase them. I’m thankful for their short attention spans
It really can be overwhelming… and it’s so nice to hear you say it doesn’t phase them. I really need to remind myself of that!
Such a great post- thank you!
I’m totally guilty of this; and you’re right- we have the responsibility to make so many decisions as moms! I hadn’t fully realized this until the day my daughter was born. I learned quickly, however, that I will forever be perfectly imperfect at always making the right decision, but that’s OK. And yes- what a great example to set for our daughters. All we can do is learn from and laugh at these mistakes! xx, Morgan
I also didn’t realize it until my daughter was born… I don’t think you really can know it until it happens. And well said! Laughing at mistakes is so important.
Oh my, you took the words right out of my mouth! On top of the walking and eating vegetables, I have serious mom guilt about “working” during the day. I’ll turn my computer on and start blogging or responding to emails and she’ll want to play. It kills me every time.
I know exactly how you feel Kerry! Working from home can be so hard sometimes. More often than not I stay up way too late because of this. But I think it’s okay for our children to see what a good work ethic is as well. That’s ALSO important!
So wonderful to choose to embrace positivity instead of dwelling on the negative guilty thoughts. You’re an amazing woman! 🙂
Thank you Cassandra! You are always so sweet and encouraging!